The key word for our marriage is understanding. When I married my husband I wanted to throw down the heavy armour that my career laid upon me. I worked long hours; I was expected to be an active, forceful boss who was the one in control of tasks, people and I was there to pick up the pieces when things went not to plan. When I married, that part of my life was over for me. What I wanted was for my husband to take charge, to be the boss and to be a strong provider for when babies came along. My husband and I had an understanding. If my man was to be obeyed, I needed him to work hard at his career and at our relationship, there had to be a trust between us and we understood the importance of good communication. Whatever the situation, good or bad, we would talk together, discuss options together, but my husband would have the final say and I would obey that decision.

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I am seven months pregnant with our first child. My husband wanted us to start a family straight away, so my body was this open door of possibilities – open to his seed, to nurture his child. With my swollen belly and breasts, my man more than ever loves to make love to me. His growing baby inside me heightens the deep responsibility and determination to protect and provide for me and the baby. This also makes him feel more of a man and the sex is wonderful: he's strong and dominant and still takes me when he wants. With our deep love, trust and understanding I am happy to obey his wishes regarding the birth and breastfeeding. My husband wants a natural birth with no pain relief (not even gas and air) and he wants me to breastfeed his baby on demand for 1 year and then he wants me to carry on suckling until the baby is 2 years old. My body is a vessel for my man's creation and his baby's need comes first.

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I too found it very erotic to be impregnated by my husband at his will and he too became even more into me when I became pregnant with his child. He would whisper in my ear when he was making love to me, how much he loved me and how excited he was to have impregnated me and to have made me have his baby. He also turned me on by whispering that I would give birth without pain relief. When it happened he was the one demanding that they give me pain relief – he went white as a sheet! It made me feel so loved and taken care of that he was ordering the doctors and nurses around to make sure his wife was well taken care of. And when he saw our baby for the first time, there were tears in his eyes. Ah… good memories… We are so blessed.

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Currently I am pregnant with our second son, the first one being 3 years old now, and I can fully subscribe to the opinion I heard before Nr.1 came, namely that the start of your first child`s life is the real start of your own. I know this sounds very dramatic, but for me it is the truth. My husband`s life and mine had always been very fulfilled, but when our son was born we felt that this was another dimension, another depth and height of life and your ability to feel sorrow and happiness and energy and, yes, exhaustion. Also childbirth and the first weeks-months-years are a time to experience your abilities to their fullest. Today you cannot even imagine how long you are able to go without sleep or how ingenious and daring you can become if it comes to cope with unexpected, or plain crazy situations in which your child needs help from you.

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You are lucky to have a switched on man to guide you to the natural route. I would like to offer you one piece of advice (I just went through the miracle and trauma of childbirth - and it is both - so feel I want to help you in whatever way I can. Women need women at this time). Buy two books - Birthing From Within (can't remember author), and Birth and Breastfeeding by Michel Odent. Ooh, and Water birth by Janet Balaskas. I can honestly say that giving birth naturally and not clouding your clever body with drugs is a really good way to do it. There are immense, and tangible benefits to you and your baby by doing this. And you can do it, your body knows what to do, THIS is the normal path, not the wacky alternative. The drugs merely interrupt the very effective endorphin pathway and stop the push-stretch-push reflex. We have all forgotten in recent years that it only became fashionable to have a drugged birth since post-war America sold the concept to women as being more 'glam' and high-net worth individuals flocked to do it, the rest followed... Breathe in through your nose, blow out through your mouth, count the outbreaths as you go, count backwards from 20 and I guarantee the contraction stops long before you get to 1. You don't have to do the WHOLE labour at once - childbirth is one contraction at a time, just breathe through that one... then rest again. Giving birth with a strong dominant man beside you... now that is a piece of magic that will stay with you forever. I had my husband to lean on, used his physical strength to hang from, he kept me upright forward and open all the time and stayed strong when I was tired. I had an entirely normal natural birth at home in a birthing pool (which he jumped into fully clothed when we held our baby for the first time) and I can tell you from hearing my friends' co-erced, intervention-ridden and clinical production line experiences - this was definitely the better way to do it. Yes be aware that you might have to change plan if things go wrong, but they won't. They do only rarely. People are so quick to say 'Ooh but what if something goes WRONG'. Imagine if everytime you said 'I'm just driving to the shops' someone said 'OOOHHHH but what if you CRASH???? I know someone who CRASHED' Sigh. Yes, you might, but let's not focus on it shall we!! Labour is one of the few times when the medics can see a dangerous situation coming in plenty of time to do something about it. It's not like a heart attack with a tiny window to make good. Focussing on what goes wrong is tantamount to expecting it. Trust your body. It knows what to do. Anyway, there is gold dust in these books to tell you everything you need to naturally welcome his baby into the world. Right, I have blathered enough, I wish you all the very best and remember - it hurts, it's hard work, and you can do it. That's all you need.

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Maybe we don't think "Ooh, I might crash on the way to the shops" but we do buckle up and we do ensure that we drive modern cars with airbags. Grand inventions which have drastically reduced deaths on the roads. Same with midwives and doctors. Without them our maternal mortality rate would be that of the historical norm of 1 in every 100 women. Natural childbirth is wonderful and much to be recommended for those for whom it works. But you were lucky LTK. Not everyone is. You can't extrapolate from your own experience to those of others. Nor can you expect that your own future births will mirror that of your first. We are all unique and our bodies respond in different ways to life's traumas. And childbirth is a trauma. I know you mean to be encouraging - but I don't think you appreciate the hugely negative impact of your conviction of the "rightness" of natural birth on women who feel miserable for months after childbirth because they didn't manage to do it on their own. I know many women like that who feel miserable and low at a particularly vulnerable time of their lives. Why do they feel miserable? Because of posts like yours which suggest that all you have to do is go to the right classes, read the right books and breathe the right way. Wrong. They didn't fail to give birth naturally because they didn't breathe properly or because their husbands didn't read the right books - but for perfectly good reasons to do with the health and wellbeing of themselves or their child. Please encourage natural childbirth. I would too. But please don't suggest that this is something that everyone can have. They can't and if they try against the advice of their doctor or midwife they may well risk the health and even life of themselves or their child. At the end of the day it is the baby in your arms that matters, not how it arrived there.

By all means follow his instructions. Do make sure he has learned all he needs to know about birth, however. I cannot obey someone who knows less than I do about something. It's a core need in submission, that you're trusting them and know they know best. The aim is fine. The reality is that it may not work out like that and that that's fine too as long as you have a back up plan and as long as he knows that's normal too, not failure, just how birth is. I've had quite a few children and one was at home by far the nicest birth. Strong dominant men may well want to be there to support their women. It's the couple's choice or perhaps in the case of a relationship the husband's choice. I agree with Louise that traditionally and I thnk in just about every society other than ours today, men aren't present but I think it's one of the most caring things and strong things a dominant man can do to be there. Who else's arm is it best to clutch on to? You need his strength.

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